The Psychology Behind Fear of Failure: Breaking Through the Barrier
The fear of failure is an experience that many individuals, especially those who strive for success, often face. It can be debilitating, causing us to avoid taking risks and pursuing our goals. However, it is possible to overcome this fear. In this article, we will discuss how the fear of failure develops, how our worldview plays a role in it, some examples of experiences that can create this fear, and how it can be adaptive. We will also explore some additional strategies for overcoming the fear of failure.
Our worldview, which is accumulated throughout our lives by interacting with the environment, plays a significant role in shaping our beliefs and behaviours. The process of socialisation, driven by our friends, family, teachers, and the media, moulds our thinking, values, beliefs, and more. However, experiences that are highly emotionally charged can dramatically shape our models of the world, such as failures, rejections, and upsets.
For instance, a child who is consistently told that they are not good enough or experiences failure in school or sports may develop a belief that they are incapable of succeeding. This belief becomes ingrained in their model of the world, leading them to expect failure in future endeavours.
I reflect on how early rejections and failures in my own life as a child tainted my belief of what was possible. Take for example not getting selected for the team at primary level sports. This made me believe that I was not a good athlete, which was a belief that shaped my entire schooling – leading me not to play any sport because I thought I wasn’t capable and wanted to avoid the negative feelings associated with being rejected.
However, in my early twenties I challenged this belief, when I decided to drop the 20kgs of fat and get fit. While focusing on my weight loss and exercise, I quickly realized that I was indeed a good athlete. In fact, when I had initially moved to Thailand I worked as a teacher, and one day I saw one of the my student’s parents out with his friends. When introducing me to his friends, he referred to me as the ‘sports man’ and even invited me to join their triathlon team.
This example shows not only how I had challenged my beliefs related to sport, but also how you can view yourself in one light while others have a completely different view of you.
From a psychological perspective, the fear of failure can be seen as a manifestation of the fundamental human need for safety and security. We all have a natural inclination to avoid situations that could be threatening or dangerous, and failure can be perceived as a threat to our safety and security. This is particularly true when our self-worth is tied up in our achievements, as failure can feel like a personal rejection or a reflection of our inadequacies.
To overcome the fear of failure, it's important to recognise that failure is a natural part of the learning process. As children, we learn to walk by falling down repeatedly and getting back up again. Similarly, in any endeavour, there will be setbacks and failures along the way. Rather than seeing failure as a personal indictment of our worth, we can reframe it as a necessary step on the path to success. I like Seth Godin’s analogy in his book This is Marketing, where he compares it to learning to riding a bike. You first want to ride with training wheels on, then remove one wheel as you become more confident, then move on to no training wheels at all.
According to @sethgodin, the biggest mistake people make is that they decide they want to learn to ride with no training wheels, no helmet, no pads, while going down the steepest hill in town. They very likely will fall and injure themselves to the extent that they do not ever want to get back on the bike.
One of the most effective strategies for overcoming the fear of failure is to focus on the process rather than the outcome. When we are overly focused on the end result, we can become paralysed by the fear of failure, afraid to take risks or make mistakes. By shifting our attention to the process of learning and growth, we can take the pressure off ourselves and become more open to experimentation and exploration.
Another helpful strategy is to break our goals down into smaller, more manageable steps. This allows us to build momentum and confidence by achieving smaller successes along the way. By setting achievable goals and gaining the confidence, we can incrementally extend our reach, aiming for bigger goals. This is the strategy that I used in my early twenties to overcome my own fear of failure.
It's also important to cultivate self-compassion when facing the fear of failure. Rather than beating ourselves up for our mistakes, we can practice self-kindness and understanding, trying to identify what experiences have contributed to this limited belief, the fear of failure.
Remember that failure is a natural part of the learning process, it is a natural part of becoming a champion. Yes, it would be great to hit 10/10 of all targets that you set for yourself, but if you are perfectly achieving every single goal the first time that you try, then it is highly likely you not setting your goals big enough, that you are playing within the safe zone – this might even reflect a hidden fear of failure. The truth is that even the most seasoned entrepreneurs have projects that fail and never see the light of day, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
In conclusion, the fear of failure is a natural response to situations that could be perceived as threatening or dangerous. It can be caused by our worldview, experiences, and beliefs about ourselves. However, with the right strategies and mindset, we can overcome this fear and pursue our goals with confidence. By recognizing that failure is a natural part of the learning process, focusing on the process rather than the outcome, breaking goals into smaller steps, and practicing self-compassion, we can challenge our limiting beliefs and achieve our full potential. So, embrace failure as part of the journey, not a personal rejection or reflection of your worth.
